is your mom at the bar?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
