dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
