I am spending my child support on dildos
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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