i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
