i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
