he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
