All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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