U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
