You're so nebulous sometimes
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
