I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
