Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
