i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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