just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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