OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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