It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
