I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
