i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
