Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
