She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
