Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
