How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
