Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
