Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
