do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
