Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
