and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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