how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm at about main and main street
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
