matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize