I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
