I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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