I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
