I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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