just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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