I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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