I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
