I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
