Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
