morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
