dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
