Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
