I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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