ugly people sure do ruin things
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
