im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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