My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
