Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
