Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
