all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
