so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
