my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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