Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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