Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
