Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
