I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
