I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
