guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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