Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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