I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you didnt know i had herpes?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
