Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
