We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
