Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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