There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
