before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
