I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
