UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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