Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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