i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
