omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
