I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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