In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
