Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
