I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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