Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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