Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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