I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
