Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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