guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
