Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
