Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize