At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
