you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
