Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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