Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
