I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
